It was emotional...

Sitting downstairs just now, somehow opened the topic of my late mum to my maid...the thing is..i never ever cried when telling someone b4...but since 2day me n my grandparents were on the topic of the past..i ended up telling the story of how my mum died to my maid..since me n my maid r close, i began telling her...and i burst into tears..i couldnt hold back my tears at all, and i dont know why..it has never happened b4, but it did today..it hurts me to remember that i was forced to grow up in just a few seconds because i was at home alone and now my brothers need me 4 the rest of my life..there was noone around 4 me to go 2 when i needed someone the most, never had the chance 2 really talk about my feelings, or be able to go someone when i needed to know about the birds and the bees...i learned the walk of a teenagers life all by myself..never had anyone 2 answer my questions or guide me the right way...i had to walk i my own shoes n learn the hard way...its never been easy talking about everything that i have kept inside..growing up with 4 boys in the house was and still is a walking nightmare...but this is my fate n i just have 2 accept it..i know it never used 2 be easy for my dad to raise me and my brothers...i always had complaints and arguments n things 2 say...still do have things to say...my dads current gf is someone i despise with all the hate in me..maybey my life wouldnt be so bad if i had that ONE MOTHER FIGURE to help me out..But again, never got that chance either...teenage times are always the hardest, when a person is trying to find himself/herself....eventualy i found myself...and i know what i want....i may not be 100% happy but ill just have 2 keep it to myself like i have for the past 9 years of my life..if i end up exploding like a time-bomb...i know that ppl on blogspot knew it b4 anyone else...

-good evening-