Tuesday, May 13, 2008

i just dont know...

Aku baru bertunang..tapi kenapa kepala otak aku rase mcm takut..serabut..a few days ago i sat down with my own family n decided that i wont have a wedding till i finish college n have settled down in work....right after that i started asking myself questions...is this it? is this the end of my life? could it be that my whole life has been all layed out and planned for..n am i really ready for all of this....at first i was so excited n happy n had butterflies...but when i see all my other friends yang masih single...or whos boyfriends are away studying.....i feel as if im still missing out on something..n i dont know what it is..is it my freedom? am i being caged up? i need all my friends to come back...all my good friends are away in different countries n it makes me mad at myself coz i have literally noone to talk to or cry to when im stressed out...im planing to finish my license soon so i can get my butt over to hanie n cry...i dont know anymore..i am getting chili feet about this whole thing...i love this guy with everything i have...i really do..hes everything too me...maybey i just need someone to encourage me...or give me some idea on what i should do...da la tgh blaja agama ni..bukan senang..lidah i da terbalik dah baca n sebut. and this whole engagement thing really tests a persons loyalty to their partner..i swear..i just dont know if i have enuff strength in me to get thru these tests.....tolonnnggggg!!!!

J-town j-town!!

Omg ..im finally going to see cindy in jakarta..im so excited..n i can get away from here 4 a while...it would be really cool tho if all the girls were around ...we could go on a trip somewhere..ntah la...i have to wait 4 alyaa to balik lama skit..n hanie to cuti..n the rest to all be free..baru boleh plan betul2...but i really wanna have one of those all-girl trips where everything is ....how hanie? lezbonizing? heheheheheh yeahh n we all go n do crazy stuff..even the ones that are attatched...god i should tell all of them n c what we can do...grrrrrrrr

im leaving on monday...wish me luck...that i dont get kidnapped by jihad terrorists....

muaaxx muaxxx

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Friendship? or what is this?

Well..im going to jakarta soon to see my best friend cindy..
cant wait to get out of this boghole!

Hmm been a bit sad lately...or shall i say upset? no..angry? slightly..Surprised? hmmm there is a word i just cant recall what the word for the emotion im feeling..
So i indirectly introduced a 'friend' to a friend of mine..two simple people who at first had no attraction to eachother..somehow fell in love...
I was in awe that something so unpredictable could happen..as both of them just got out of bad relationships..
yet i wasnt ready for something that i was completely unaware of...
Yes...lies..that word that just makes you cringe in dismay and anger..
only recently i was to find out, through a close guy friend that 'Y' AND 'Z' HAD ACTUALLY gone swimming with other friends of mine..and dint even have the decency to ask to come along...dont get me wrong..if it was just the couple i wouldnt care..coz u know its couple time...but this was like friends day out?..the friends of mine that i...me..alexis..introdduced 'y' to...wouldnt you be angry?
BREAKING IT DOWN: A friend from outside, brings YOUR friends to hang out..or do whatever..and doesnt even ask you to come and join...wouldnt u feel sort of pissed off?
i am..and theres nothing that can justify it..PLus the fact that the friend who had the photos in his phone..had actually hidden the picures in a completely different file so it did state the obvious..
That 'y' had obviously told my friend to hide it...coz that friend of mine wouldnt hide anything..ow im fuming with anger...
How do i know?
its happened b4...should i just pretend i never saw them? preted as if everything is bright and sunny in the sky...and i am the type of person who will not stand bullshit...especially from someone who i consider a friend....after introducing 'y' to 'z'..DONT I DESERVE SOME GOD DAMN GRATITUDE? some form of appreciation...who says i need to be with ;y; everyday? puhleez i got my own life..but when it comes to friends...asal xleh ajak? kalo xsuke ke apa..cakap je laaa..when will the lies stop..?? sampai rasuk kawan i sendiri untuk tipu xtahan tu.....mashallah...what is the world coming to???

What a friend huh.i was told it would happen n it did now i dunno how 2 avoid it.....sebnarnya da cuba ckp..tapi sebab kawan sendiri da bagitau(kawan fiancee)..i dun need anymore proof..the pictures were there...n i dunno wat the excuses will be..


Remember that blogging is just to let go of feelings that need to be let out, so just leave it at that...i have the freedom to express as i wish on my blogspot...as the freedom for people to comment what they wish... TQ