Saturday, January 31, 2009

It is

So here i am, its been so long since i last wrote, things have been extremely overwhelming, yes im still in love and grows more and more everyday. Im in love with the person im with and it is so strong, we have laughed together, cried together..it really is amazing, reguardless of how fast it has been, we have this unbreakable bond that draws me nearer and nearer everytime, and he knows just how to break thru me in every way, when im down he picks me up, and he knows how to make me smile every single time. He makes me feel like im on top of the world, he makes me feel like a princess. I however have a few issues i need to deal with by myself, anger issues n the way i deal with things..but ill get to that on my own, but i am really, truely blessed with this guy, he really is amazing, his family is amazing..im growing very close to one of his sisters and she is really something else, very strong and very determined, Its a 2nd family, who have a bond i wish i had...not to say i dont have a bond but yeah, im the only daughter, oldest one living with 4 boys..the bond is there but then again we all do our own thing n dont get together very often. But going back to this relationship i have, there is no way im gnna let this one go...i found something real, something really pure..and ya'll are probly gnna say 'OK ALEXIS, WE KNOW' OR 'lets see how long this one lasts' well u bloody well will...all this while i had no idea what exactly i was looking for, im done looking...why? because its right infront of me, holding my hands, and telling me everything is gnna be ok, making sure i know im loved and cared about ..n even tho i know im told, it dont really matter coz he shows it too...now iv never been good at showing how i really feel...but its getting there slowly..im learning this all over again..and im glad hes being patient with me...like i said..i have issues...This is something i want to hold onto forever, fuck the past..its long gone..iv moved on i know what i want, i have it, perfect friends, amazing bf and smiles all the way...yes we have had our fair share of arguments so far..but it will get better as we go along, They say life isnt a box of chocolates?? IT DAMN WELL IS, SWEET, BITTER, DARK, LIGHT, SOFT, HARD AND PLENTY OF THE ASSORTMENT..i love what i am n what im becoming..im becoming a lot more stronger towards a lot of things, going back to being more positive now, i finally have what i want, what i have needed for so long, its in my grasp now, and sure as hell...it aint going anywhere..i aint going nowhere..im gnna deal with my anger problems, coz im being a spark to a fire..n its wrong i realise that, i gotta learn to say sorry too...whatever it is..everything has been nothing but wonderful so far and i wouldnt change a thing...or maybey i would..in terms of people who are disturbing my thoughts..capital (Z) but fuck that, she can go fck herself fer all i care, reguardless if her so called best friend is my bf, they arnt best friends, if they were she wouldnt be how she is..she probly only runs to him cz hes the more good looking one, or at the time (was single) well sorry baby he aint no more..so go SUCK ON EGGS!!! grrrrr fck this...getting upset again...anyway, i love this guy, hes mine n im his..n i cant wait for the rest of time to come... till soon-hugs n kisses-

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Finally

I finally have what i cried so many tears for. We are finally together. And u know what, i actually feel happy, i feel content, i feel i have everything i have been looing for, someone who uderstands, someone i can talk to about everything, someone i can be a total dumbass with, i ca finally be myself, n not having to hide anything. I feel i am free, i feel i can finally do things and not be asked 121 questions on why...
God really has been great to me in that sense.

Although my ex was crying n begging me not to go, what could i do? i was unhappy, about a lot of things, and only when i wanted to leave, then only he wants to do the things he used to say no to...what the hell, for how long will that last? a few weeks? a month maybey? then it will go back to the same old routine again. I cant deny i felt bad n sad leaving him, but being hit by the same hand 3 times is too much already.n i cant be with someone abusive, its a time bomb ready to explode. SO maybey it should be a lesson for him too. i will always have a soft spot for him somewhere, but i cant accept what he did to me.  He hurt me in so many ways...n it saddens me only at the end he wants to show everything..it sucks..and yes it does hurt to hear him cry n lose sleep over this..but hopefully he will learn from it..i know i will...we almost had a future together, but deep down inside, i knew somewhere it was never meant to be because we were too different. 
Im at a place in life where i wanna do things with a special someone, and be matured on a higher level, i dont need to hide or cover things anymore. im done with that.


im happy, very happy..