Yep, its happened, its seems its over
Besides all thats happened this year, iv never been the person to hold on, i always let go the minute im hurt, before the minute someone hurt me, id walk away and save my pride and dignity. Now i feel iv lost it, to someone i deeply love, cherish and care about, someone i waited for to show his appreciation of me. Iv learned my strength in FORGIVENESS is at its peak, iv never forgiven so many mistakes in a year, and so easily as well, its what told me i love this person, i see a future with this person, a forever.
Im still trying to bash my brain watever it was that could be for it
the answers got were
i need to learn my mistakes, im lost, i dont know how to love you
iv lost it...
Wow...
and there i was in nothing but a dream and trying to sort things out and see what could be done and it seemed only me trying...when i asked where had his part of 'working things out go' he said this is working things out, its for the best'
BEST OF WHO? wen iv been vomitting for 3 straight morning now, not knowing why the hell its happening, why does it seem im the only one whos trying here..
iv lost my appetite completely, iv lost my thoughts, myself, im very much depressed. Why or how does this person have such a hold on me.
i only wanted us to be together and sort things out, within this one year many sad things have happened which involved me being HURT. and even after all that i still beleived in im and that he would change, even if he himself didnt know why he did it...i tried my utter best to show him i love him no matter what or how, i made him a part of my life in which, i put him b4 me...i put him in a place i never thought id be able 2 let anyone EVER in my life have..
and to be honest, right now, i dont know what to feel...nor do i know what to think.
im tired of not giving up..because i try and try
i know what im feeling, and at this point in time ill only be better if i have him, because hes the one i always felt safe with, it was always about him and i made sure he knew that.
maybe i had somehow drifed off in my own world somewhat hoping he loved me as much as i do him.
i know maybe he loves me but its got me thinking so many ugly things, maybe he wanted other things...
But iv learned you cant have everything, and i do understand that sometimes you do need to step back and asses situations.. but this isnt stepping back...its over
and im not going to lie i miss him like hell! iv never missed anyone this much and with so much to say as well..
Are two years gone, just like that...i had ideas for the future, things i wanted and planned to do with him
but maybe im not all that he wants..and whats worse is, he said if he stays with me,he will only hurt me more...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSEDTO MEAN??? he even said hes not ready to change or be better...iv got so many emotions, im angry im sad and im dissapointed..WHY WOULDNT anyone want to be better? OFCOURSE you would always want to be better..Im now worried satan has more power over him than god does..iv been trying to encourage him to pray more and encourage the calmness that follows but he didnt want to, all my little tries-to-help seem to have gone un-noticed.
if you love someone surely u'd do anything to make them feel loved right?
I hate that I cant do anything but try and stand on my own two feet and put my walls back up again..i let my walls down way too low and so im hurt like this.
I gave evrything every inch and metre of me and what i can in fact maybe i could(possibly) do less...
Im glad i got to see him finish college, cz it sucks to go through things like tht and have noone at ur side..(knowing how it physically felt)
As much as i wish he'd come back and love me all over again...maybe he wont because he wants other things and its killing me.
and so i must be off now, have to vomit again, dads quite worried and people have said iv lost 2 much weight ALREADY!
this will never happen again, iv learned such a valuble lesson..
