Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Looking Up
Saturday, August 13, 2011
1 week, 3 days
After all the crap thats gone down, iv been trying to talk to you, a proper sit down and express what im feeling, everytime i do, u either have to do something or its not the right time. when i do it at home, you have to do something, when were outside you say we should discuss it at home and when we get home you dont even bother to ask to continue, when we are on the phone you have to go somewhere or your not listening. NOW you tell me how the hell do you expect me to just keep quiet like its nothing. You say u want your space, but you spend it with your friends. you say ur depressed about not having a job but u use the internet for unnecessary things. You say your far from god, yet you dont try and pray.
how the hell am i supposed to get any answer from you at all
tell me.
how the hell am i supposed to get any answer from you at all
tell me.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
How they do it
What i never understood until now, was exactly what i used to fear deep within me, people can lie about so many things and not even feel a slight bit of regret or remorse for those whom they lie to be it friends, girlfriend, boyfriend, family , husband or even wife. How can such human beings go through life constantly making those who love them believe whatever it is that they say to be true? not realizing they are creating a world for themselves full of disbelief..no honesty, no truthfulness for not only themselves but making others attempt to believe their unreliable truths. How do we trust people such as these, who are only good at talking, but have no idea how or what to do about stopping the hurt to those around them, simply when what they do is completely unnecessary in the 1st place.These lies are not even to protect anyone but themselves, selfish lies to create a persona of someone who could be the devil's side-kick, pretenders. Some say that lies are habits..bad habits..but how do you look at it when lies are all a person knows, they know it so well they don't know where to start about telling the TRUTH, even when those around them know it already.
Monday, July 18, 2011
second time around
The sickness i feel in my tummy, is no comparison to an ordinary stomach ache, its an overwhelming churn of pure eating-my-heart-out hunger.. the kind when your heart has been thrown out of its comfort zone and squished till its no longer able to function.
Then naturally the mind and the rest of you that is still trying to cope with the pain and the shock is only doing what it was used 2 doing..LOVING
When the nerves in you are no longer attached to the heart, since its been ripped out, the are trying to find somewhere to attach themselves, desperately searching for something to hold on to.
this is me..numb, wallowing in despair, holding back all the tears that are just screaming to get out of my system, and im trying..ever so hard to keep them all in, trying to tell myself to be strong and catch a grip of myself before i lose it. This is what happens when you love too much.
a lesson i know far too well, a situation i find myself being in very familiar, being left..being pulled away from.
what does one do, when the other isnt ready? isnt ready for the hardship, isnt ready to just be pure..almost 3 years of constant 1 way effort n just 2 even get a voice heard. Iv had my fair share of wrong-doings no mistake, but its definately a mistake i can correct...
im not aware of whats around me right now, i sit here still fighting my feelings as hes asleep in his bed. cold shouldered and making me look desperate...i am...im desperate to be loved back...noones been able to hold my heart and not break it...once it gets to 2 years...they are gone..they are not ready...im confused, im blaming myself, and the one i love the most, who i have unconditionally given a majority of myself to...has decided he cant do it anymore...
what can i say...there goes something i assumed was just as special, somethin worth fighting for..
maybe im not worth fighting for...maybe all of this was just a beautiful illusion i had in my mind...
but whatever it was...its now gone...for the 2nd time
Then naturally the mind and the rest of you that is still trying to cope with the pain and the shock is only doing what it was used 2 doing..LOVING
When the nerves in you are no longer attached to the heart, since its been ripped out, the are trying to find somewhere to attach themselves, desperately searching for something to hold on to.
this is me..numb, wallowing in despair, holding back all the tears that are just screaming to get out of my system, and im trying..ever so hard to keep them all in, trying to tell myself to be strong and catch a grip of myself before i lose it. This is what happens when you love too much.
a lesson i know far too well, a situation i find myself being in very familiar, being left..being pulled away from.
what does one do, when the other isnt ready? isnt ready for the hardship, isnt ready to just be pure..almost 3 years of constant 1 way effort n just 2 even get a voice heard. Iv had my fair share of wrong-doings no mistake, but its definately a mistake i can correct...
im not aware of whats around me right now, i sit here still fighting my feelings as hes asleep in his bed. cold shouldered and making me look desperate...i am...im desperate to be loved back...noones been able to hold my heart and not break it...once it gets to 2 years...they are gone..they are not ready...im confused, im blaming myself, and the one i love the most, who i have unconditionally given a majority of myself to...has decided he cant do it anymore...
what can i say...there goes something i assumed was just as special, somethin worth fighting for..
maybe im not worth fighting for...maybe all of this was just a beautiful illusion i had in my mind...
but whatever it was...its now gone...for the 2nd time
what is..what isnt...
In a momentum of fact against word..which is taken more lightly
Would a robot lie when humans are the ones that control it..
would time lie against black and white?
it just doesnt make sense, even more when u dont know if you can make sense of any of it..
its just all over the place..what DOES make sense? What is the Truth?
and why cant people just be truthful...
when eventually...even if robots can lie... GOD DOESNT...
he has not lied 2 me..if anything, hes been more honest than anyone i know...and i cant even see him or hear him speak...but as much as i dont talk 2 him very much..he always has ways in showing me whats right..
RIGHT NOW ITS A MATTER OF WETHER I CONTINUE TO SPEAK FROM THE HEART OR KEEP IT ALL INSIDE...COZ NO MATTER WHAT I CHOOSE, ITS ALWAYS HARDER TO GET THROUGH ON EITHER DECISION. Choices are what we make to make ourselves better, for ourselves and only for ourselves.
DO U CHOOSE TO LIE? OR TELL THE TRUTH?
Would a robot lie when humans are the ones that control it..
would time lie against black and white?
it just doesnt make sense, even more when u dont know if you can make sense of any of it..
its just all over the place..what DOES make sense? What is the Truth?
and why cant people just be truthful...
when eventually...even if robots can lie... GOD DOESNT...
he has not lied 2 me..if anything, hes been more honest than anyone i know...and i cant even see him or hear him speak...but as much as i dont talk 2 him very much..he always has ways in showing me whats right..
RIGHT NOW ITS A MATTER OF WETHER I CONTINUE TO SPEAK FROM THE HEART OR KEEP IT ALL INSIDE...COZ NO MATTER WHAT I CHOOSE, ITS ALWAYS HARDER TO GET THROUGH ON EITHER DECISION. Choices are what we make to make ourselves better, for ourselves and only for ourselves.
DO U CHOOSE TO LIE? OR TELL THE TRUTH?
Monday, June 20, 2011
The quick get away
Like i said, take these opportunities with me more...i enjoy them more than anything, especially with you by my side..
Thank you for joining...
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Today and from now on...
I am in the process of trying to understand myself, why i think the way i do, why i do what i do and everything else that is all about you..
No doubt its been 2 1/2 years so far, a bloody long journey so far as well, but my love only grows alongside me and you. I sometimes casually reflect on what made me fall for you in the 1st place, but looking back many things have changed, they have gotten so much better, i spend much more time with you than we used to and i can say that i really do enjoy every minute.
I dont understand why people say that its not good to see the one u love all the time...but in my case, im thinking..why would you tell yourself such a thing, or assume such a statement be true when at any moment could be your last together, we dont know gods plans, so im going to spend every moment i can simply because i want to... I DONT NEED TO necessarily..but i want to...and it suits me fine.
Nobody can tell me how to love, what to love and why....i just do..so much that i could cry..lets continue our growth in geting better, achieve our goals..Holding hands and walking this earth together and create chaos as we go along....
No doubt its been 2 1/2 years so far, a bloody long journey so far as well, but my love only grows alongside me and you. I sometimes casually reflect on what made me fall for you in the 1st place, but looking back many things have changed, they have gotten so much better, i spend much more time with you than we used to and i can say that i really do enjoy every minute.
I dont understand why people say that its not good to see the one u love all the time...but in my case, im thinking..why would you tell yourself such a thing, or assume such a statement be true when at any moment could be your last together, we dont know gods plans, so im going to spend every moment i can simply because i want to... I DONT NEED TO necessarily..but i want to...and it suits me fine.
Nobody can tell me how to love, what to love and why....i just do..so much that i could cry..lets continue our growth in geting better, achieve our goals..Holding hands and walking this earth together and create chaos as we go along....
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Holdin it in...
So i hold all these feelings, besides the fact u may assume im an emotional being, maybe i am..i take in whatever you throw at me and hold it inside, u raise your voice and my fed-up alarm starts ringing, time and time again i remind you about it..
i get angry too, i get annoyed, but never would i raise my voice or shout and throw nasty words at you, might as well spit on me too right if like that?
i was not brought up to disrespect anyone, not even in anger..
your ego has enlarged too, which is dis-heartening from my point of view..
Then there are days you tell me you miss me and yet i come 2 you and receive maybe 3/ 4 pecks and a cuddle at most. why is it all words, even things like, i should be at home when u get home, and i waita round like a puppy expecting somethin more than just a mere hi... not even mention how both our days were...and its sad coz the 1st 2 weeks u worked u were like all about me.. now its slipped back to un-appreciating and disrespect....
im startin 2 question things and its disurbing me...please pick yourself up soon...
i hate feeling like this...
for now its me and god.. please god be kind to me...please
i get angry too, i get annoyed, but never would i raise my voice or shout and throw nasty words at you, might as well spit on me too right if like that?
i was not brought up to disrespect anyone, not even in anger..
your ego has enlarged too, which is dis-heartening from my point of view..
Then there are days you tell me you miss me and yet i come 2 you and receive maybe 3/ 4 pecks and a cuddle at most. why is it all words, even things like, i should be at home when u get home, and i waita round like a puppy expecting somethin more than just a mere hi... not even mention how both our days were...and its sad coz the 1st 2 weeks u worked u were like all about me.. now its slipped back to un-appreciating and disrespect....
im startin 2 question things and its disurbing me...please pick yourself up soon...
i hate feeling like this...
for now its me and god.. please god be kind to me...please
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Where are you
Where are you
you throw the anger of you on me, you lose it
my words are told to be of provoking
giving you the excuse to do as you do..
i think its an excuse
you once told me to think before i act..
you?
You are now biting the hand that feeds you
but i know god will repay wisely what is done unto me by you... one day...
you throw the anger of you on me, you lose it
my words are told to be of provoking
giving you the excuse to do as you do..
i think its an excuse
you once told me to think before i act..
you?
You are now biting the hand that feeds you
but i know god will repay wisely what is done unto me by you... one day...
Coreless
YOU HAVE NO CENTRE IN YOU
NOT EVEN A THOUGHT OF GOD
NOT EVEN PRAYING
NOTHING TO CALM THE MONSTER IN YOU
ITS RELEASED OFTEN LATELY AND I HATE IT
THE DEVIL HAS A STRONG GRIP ON YOU AND YOU LOSE YOUR SELF CONTROL UNNECESSARILY....
AND TO BE VERY HONEST.. IM SCARED...
NOT EVEN A THOUGHT OF GOD
NOT EVEN PRAYING
NOTHING TO CALM THE MONSTER IN YOU
ITS RELEASED OFTEN LATELY AND I HATE IT
THE DEVIL HAS A STRONG GRIP ON YOU AND YOU LOSE YOUR SELF CONTROL UNNECESSARILY....
AND TO BE VERY HONEST.. IM SCARED...
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Unexpected.. or expected?
Sometimes we wake up in the morning, do the same routine, sometimes even the same clothes, shower with the same shower gel, and get in the car at the same time, day in and day out.
But what we hardly question is WHY, why do we do the same thing everytime when it comes to our responsibilities? could it be due to saving time? could it be because thats the expectation we have towards achieving our wants and needs? or is it simply because we are afraid of the change itself.
But this can apply in the working shirts or the bums that sit on the couch everyday watching the same things on tv as if there was only 1 channel. We tend to get so comfortable with things being the way they are, what we are used to, that when change comes about, be it expected or not, we HISS and become sqeamish at the very thought, even though it may actually be good for us.
Some of us are happy to do the same things day in day out, some of us require constant changes in order to keep motivated. But! wether or not the change is good, its a matter of wether we can accept it or not, like it or lump it. Routine can be such a drag sometimes, so its only in our power to make the routine more exciting or bearable. I, myself am a character that resists change, reluctant to go very far from my comfort zone, even though i know change will be good now and then. Dont get me wrong i do make changes to better myself or that around me if i must, the good change i dont mind that i am able to have some sort of control over, its the changes that disrupt my routine and my mind that i dislike.
i guess only time will tell. maybe the cards will just change before i can even sense it.
who knows...i might like it.. then again..... i might not..
its all in gods hands..
But what we hardly question is WHY, why do we do the same thing everytime when it comes to our responsibilities? could it be due to saving time? could it be because thats the expectation we have towards achieving our wants and needs? or is it simply because we are afraid of the change itself.
But this can apply in the working shirts or the bums that sit on the couch everyday watching the same things on tv as if there was only 1 channel. We tend to get so comfortable with things being the way they are, what we are used to, that when change comes about, be it expected or not, we HISS and become sqeamish at the very thought, even though it may actually be good for us.
Some of us are happy to do the same things day in day out, some of us require constant changes in order to keep motivated. But! wether or not the change is good, its a matter of wether we can accept it or not, like it or lump it. Routine can be such a drag sometimes, so its only in our power to make the routine more exciting or bearable. I, myself am a character that resists change, reluctant to go very far from my comfort zone, even though i know change will be good now and then. Dont get me wrong i do make changes to better myself or that around me if i must, the good change i dont mind that i am able to have some sort of control over, its the changes that disrupt my routine and my mind that i dislike.
i guess only time will tell. maybe the cards will just change before i can even sense it.
who knows...i might like it.. then again..... i might not..
its all in gods hands..
Saturday, April 2, 2011
This little heart.
When i look at you...i see so much POTENTIAL as a person, as a son and as a partner..
yet, why do my eyes deceive me so at times, im blinded by this ever beating, red blooded heart of mine. This muscle in my chest, it beats, for me, for YOU ever faster, and at times its alive with laughter, and also with tears.
What this little heart of mine feels, overcomes many fears i have, yet it is still unsure, almost in comparison to a pet in a new home..it wants to know more of its owner as much as it does fear the WHAT-IF.
From what it tells me, it cant surely love another, no..not this way. It bleeds with passion, yet it bleeds with the fear of what this owner might do with it. Its no longer mine, im no longer in control of its possession, or how it reacts, it has a mind of its own and it moves at every word spoken, every action taken and every feeling felt to its every inch, it shivers, and it calms down, it even suffers from lack of sleep at the very thought of you.
Its at its utmost happiness, when its in close proximity with yours, its back-flips and turns up-side down the more it knows you are near and at times wants to just be ripped out and place itself in your hand so that u can just see what its made of, how fast it beats, how this tiny thing is actually quite big on the inside, but shares no room for no other but yourself and i.
even though i no longer possess it, i BEG YOU..please take care of it, im not capable of its control anymore.
This little heart of mine.
yet, why do my eyes deceive me so at times, im blinded by this ever beating, red blooded heart of mine. This muscle in my chest, it beats, for me, for YOU ever faster, and at times its alive with laughter, and also with tears.
What this little heart of mine feels, overcomes many fears i have, yet it is still unsure, almost in comparison to a pet in a new home..it wants to know more of its owner as much as it does fear the WHAT-IF.
From what it tells me, it cant surely love another, no..not this way. It bleeds with passion, yet it bleeds with the fear of what this owner might do with it. Its no longer mine, im no longer in control of its possession, or how it reacts, it has a mind of its own and it moves at every word spoken, every action taken and every feeling felt to its every inch, it shivers, and it calms down, it even suffers from lack of sleep at the very thought of you.
Its at its utmost happiness, when its in close proximity with yours, its back-flips and turns up-side down the more it knows you are near and at times wants to just be ripped out and place itself in your hand so that u can just see what its made of, how fast it beats, how this tiny thing is actually quite big on the inside, but shares no room for no other but yourself and i.
even though i no longer possess it, i BEG YOU..please take care of it, im not capable of its control anymore.
This little heart of mine.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Hello April
Aahh April, One of my favorite months..why? Coz my birthday is on the 29th! i have a month to plan exactly what i would like to do, and as usual make sure my friends go home completely wasted lol...
24 YEARS being me..its been one hell of a roller-coaster, been working for almost 1 year and a half now, it aint easy having to drag myself there in the morning either, but we all gotta do it. KA-CHINGGG is the most necessary nowday in this time and age..we all gotta start somewhere, but im loving it.
The older im getting, the more i tend to look back on my previous mistakes, and where i went wrong, and yes there are many things id rather not remember, but then again, hurt only makes you stronger eventually, im proud to say that im learning and i know i have much more to learn. Theres no limit book or any time frame to learn things, some of us die without even learning what love is, or even how to hold our breath under-water, everyone has their own pace in life, and the rest is up to god.
This month im going to interviews for new jobs, just to broaden my horizons, and do something fun and that i enjoy, photography, be it behind the camera or in front of it, its fairly new 4 me but this company they handle the photo's and they are one of the largest international co's too selling quality photo's to companies in anything from Advertising to News Stations. Quite exciting.
Its friday, so im trying to keep my spirit high 4 this weekend and enjoy as much as i can..
whoop whoop!
24 YEARS being me..its been one hell of a roller-coaster, been working for almost 1 year and a half now, it aint easy having to drag myself there in the morning either, but we all gotta do it. KA-CHINGGG is the most necessary nowday in this time and age..we all gotta start somewhere, but im loving it.
The older im getting, the more i tend to look back on my previous mistakes, and where i went wrong, and yes there are many things id rather not remember, but then again, hurt only makes you stronger eventually, im proud to say that im learning and i know i have much more to learn. Theres no limit book or any time frame to learn things, some of us die without even learning what love is, or even how to hold our breath under-water, everyone has their own pace in life, and the rest is up to god.
This month im going to interviews for new jobs, just to broaden my horizons, and do something fun and that i enjoy, photography, be it behind the camera or in front of it, its fairly new 4 me but this company they handle the photo's and they are one of the largest international co's too selling quality photo's to companies in anything from Advertising to News Stations. Quite exciting.
Its friday, so im trying to keep my spirit high 4 this weekend and enjoy as much as i can..
whoop whoop!
Monday, March 14, 2011
WHY WAIT??
Why should I , HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOU TO APPRECIATE ME??
Why should I, WASTE MY TIME TELLING YOU HOW I FEEL AND WHAT YOU DO THAT UPSETS ME WHEN U ONLY NOD UR HEAD AND DO NOTHING ABOUT IT..
WHEN HAVE U EVER TAKEN ME OUT BECAUSE U APPRECIATE ME, ADORE ME AND CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT ME??? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME U EVER TOLD ME THAT?
Do you have any idea what i feel? have u any idea whats on my mind? after what you have put me through, i come right back...only to realize, you only seem to want me when your lonely..
Everytime i do something like even coming to see you, another voice tells me not to, simply because you dont do that at all for me...if i even feel that u need me im there and you dont even need to ask..
When im sick..and IM in need...u dont come to me...
You can tell me your sick, not well, headache, migrane, kaki bengkak, any excuse not to go out...after how many times i make plans..when have u ever made plans? done something to surprise me...simply because im THAT special 2 u?
Not enuff money 4 dinner, but got plenty to go out a whole day, funny how i knew that would happen, even mentioned it 2 u...
All you do is say sorry for how i feel... WHEN THE FUCK ARE YOU EVER GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT? HUH? all you tell me is you will think about it!! iv told you the problem!!! u dont need anything but to change that!!!
I Ask why you dont wanna do anything with me, you say u have not been well, and you have jobs and all on ur mind...
but once ur friends ask u out, u can go out the whole day no problem...and so many places, not a single complaint..except the end of the day when ur tired.
Im about to change my tune here...Im fed up with the bullshit and giving my all, and getting nothing but excuses back...if you feel completely fine around your friends..maybe THEY can come feed you when ur sick, apply medicine on you when ur tummy hurts..feed you when u refuse to eat.. and be there 4 u every day simply because they can and they want to...
GOOD FUCKIN LUCK
Why should I, WASTE MY TIME TELLING YOU HOW I FEEL AND WHAT YOU DO THAT UPSETS ME WHEN U ONLY NOD UR HEAD AND DO NOTHING ABOUT IT..
WHEN HAVE U EVER TAKEN ME OUT BECAUSE U APPRECIATE ME, ADORE ME AND CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT ME??? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME U EVER TOLD ME THAT?
Do you have any idea what i feel? have u any idea whats on my mind? after what you have put me through, i come right back...only to realize, you only seem to want me when your lonely..
Everytime i do something like even coming to see you, another voice tells me not to, simply because you dont do that at all for me...if i even feel that u need me im there and you dont even need to ask..
When im sick..and IM in need...u dont come to me...
You can tell me your sick, not well, headache, migrane, kaki bengkak, any excuse not to go out...after how many times i make plans..when have u ever made plans? done something to surprise me...simply because im THAT special 2 u?
Not enuff money 4 dinner, but got plenty to go out a whole day, funny how i knew that would happen, even mentioned it 2 u...
All you do is say sorry for how i feel... WHEN THE FUCK ARE YOU EVER GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT? HUH? all you tell me is you will think about it!! iv told you the problem!!! u dont need anything but to change that!!!
I Ask why you dont wanna do anything with me, you say u have not been well, and you have jobs and all on ur mind...
but once ur friends ask u out, u can go out the whole day no problem...and so many places, not a single complaint..except the end of the day when ur tired.
Im about to change my tune here...Im fed up with the bullshit and giving my all, and getting nothing but excuses back...if you feel completely fine around your friends..maybe THEY can come feed you when ur sick, apply medicine on you when ur tummy hurts..feed you when u refuse to eat.. and be there 4 u every day simply because they can and they want to...
GOOD FUCKIN LUCK
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Its just
Isnt it just beautiful when you are capable of loving someone..
Isnt it just beautiful when you love someone so much you could cry
Isnt it just beautiful, knowing the person you love, u wish to spend the rest of your life with.
Isnt it just beautiful when the person your with loves you back
Isnt it just beautiful, when the person your with shows you in so many ways how much he loves you.
If only every man loved one woman, and showed that one woman
how much she means to him....
it seems like every womans wish to be the last love of a mans life...
Isnt it just beautiful when you love someone so much you could cry
Isnt it just beautiful, knowing the person you love, u wish to spend the rest of your life with.
Isnt it just beautiful when the person your with loves you back
Isnt it just beautiful, when the person your with shows you in so many ways how much he loves you.
If only every man loved one woman, and showed that one woman
how much she means to him....
it seems like every womans wish to be the last love of a mans life...
Friday, March 4, 2011
Ever so gently
Tear ducts get swollen, usually when in pain..
Its not out of asking for sympathy, nor is it out of asking for much...
when someone cry'S Its not just because they are sad...
its because they are HURT, and one can only hurt another, when one has feelings for the other.
Its not out of asking for sympathy, nor is it out of asking for much...
when someone cry'S Its not just because they are sad...
its because they are HURT, and one can only hurt another, when one has feelings for the other.
Oh well...
No matter how hard you try, sometimes it goes un-noticed
Effort goes without saying, u do it because u want to...
Making the one u love happy is something that need not be on occassion but any time u get the chance..
Communication is useless when u get angry at everything...
Even when i cry, i can still be screamed at instead of comforted....
What is this world coming to?
Why is it so hard to understand?
Effort goes without saying, u do it because u want to...
Making the one u love happy is something that need not be on occassion but any time u get the chance..
Communication is useless when u get angry at everything...
Even when i cry, i can still be screamed at instead of comforted....
What is this world coming to?
Why is it so hard to understand?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
That kind of feeling..
When you get butterflies all over again..
When you just cant wait to see him again..
When you just wish u could stare at each other forever
When you wish you could pause the time even for a few hours
When smiles become giggles
When you feel he shyness kicking in again
When u realize time isnt enough
When 5 mins seems like 2 mins
When you talk much less
When you miss, and hope you are missed back
Doubt kicks in..
BUT AS USUAL, U TAKE ALL THAT DOUBT AWAY IN A MATTER OF MINUTES
AND MY SMILE COMES BACK ON MY FACE..
THANK U
When you just cant wait to see him again..
When you just wish u could stare at each other forever
When you wish you could pause the time even for a few hours
When smiles become giggles
When you feel he shyness kicking in again
When u realize time isnt enough
When 5 mins seems like 2 mins
When you talk much less
When you miss, and hope you are missed back
Doubt kicks in..
BUT AS USUAL, U TAKE ALL THAT DOUBT AWAY IN A MATTER OF MINUTES
AND MY SMILE COMES BACK ON MY FACE..
THANK U
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Quest?on mark
If you fell in the 1st place...what about now?
If you love someone so much, why would you want to make them cry?
If you needed someone bad enough in your life, wouldnt you do anything for them?
If you know you could never love another, wouldnt you make everything alright with the 1 you love?
If you know ur needed, wouldnt you be there to make them happy?
If your in love like you say you are....
why is it so damn hard to show it?
If you love someone so much, why would you want to make them cry?
If you needed someone bad enough in your life, wouldnt you do anything for them?
If you know you could never love another, wouldnt you make everything alright with the 1 you love?
If you know ur needed, wouldnt you be there to make them happy?
If your in love like you say you are....
why is it so damn hard to show it?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
If i
If i died..
would you cry..
would you miss me..
and find the days are harder to go by..
If i died..
would you ever regret
you didnt make better changes
and stop the bad, tempting things you used to let
If i died..
would you visit my grave
would you kiss upon my tombstone
and wish the time could have been saved
For now that im alive..
do you wish to make things great
would you do less to complicate
could you do more to love me
and less of the hate
will you look at what i have to give
and not make me wait....
would you cry..
would you miss me..
and find the days are harder to go by..
If i died..
would you ever regret
you didnt make better changes
and stop the bad, tempting things you used to let
If i died..
would you visit my grave
would you kiss upon my tombstone
and wish the time could have been saved
For now that im alive..
do you wish to make things great
would you do less to complicate
could you do more to love me
and less of the hate
will you look at what i have to give
and not make me wait....
Dont say
Dont you ever say i dont think of you
because i see you wherever i go
besides the odd distance from time to time
you are everywhere just so you know
Im writing this, just so you see
you are never too far away from me
I think of you, and im again inspired
to write again and not be tired
you are like the stars , your are like the moon
and i will be seeing you very soon
i now sometimes life isnt too fair
but if u find at all u miss me
just know im there..
Physically, emotionally and in spirit, you know me..and i know YOU
because i see you wherever i go
besides the odd distance from time to time
you are everywhere just so you know
Im writing this, just so you see
you are never too far away from me
I think of you, and im again inspired
to write again and not be tired
you are like the stars , your are like the moon
and i will be seeing you very soon
i now sometimes life isnt too fair
but if u find at all u miss me
just know im there..
Physically, emotionally and in spirit, you know me..and i know YOU
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
As of now
At this point in time, maybe im thinking of the future a bit too much? is it wrong to fantasize about my wedding day? how many kids i want? what my own family would be like?
At this point in time, i no longer enjoy hardened up parties and hung-over mornings
i no longer want my fone to be off the hook all the time with random friends asking me out
i dont want to be out every single weekend with a full agenda of non-stop madness and drama
Am i getting too old before my time? am i seeing a bigger picture? i dont want to regret this feeling..silly...how can i regret it, its what i feel, im more focused on my career and a life of love..i dont even need to juggle it..
why do i get the feeling ill be pushed into the dirty puddle again, once its convinient for someone else...
why do i get the feeling, that someone else wont be strong enough to see beyond the fine line of having to grow up...
im not saying my learning of life has ended, no way...but i just dont want the same things i used to..
i want to be settled down, i want to be able to come home to someone who adores me, someone who misses me when were apart..
someone who respects me even when in anger, someone who will come see me when im not feeling well...
My ideas of life may be different, i wanna travel, but i dont travel alone, i dont want to travel alone, when i do travel, i would want it to be with the person who wants to see the world with me, and wishes nothing but that. I dont want to be put in 2nd pace in someones heart,nor should i..
i dont wnt expensive dinners,when i can do that myself
i dont want a car or things.. i buy my own
i want something that costs nothing..Honesty, i want love, big love and undeiniable adoration, i want to be number 1, i want to be committed to and be respected.
Thats all i need to get me thru life, i feel im content,...but at the same time i feel like i give and give and give ..and still waiting for the traffic light on the other side to turn green, yet..nothing...
At this point in time, i no longer enjoy hardened up parties and hung-over mornings
i no longer want my fone to be off the hook all the time with random friends asking me out
i dont want to be out every single weekend with a full agenda of non-stop madness and drama
Am i getting too old before my time? am i seeing a bigger picture? i dont want to regret this feeling..silly...how can i regret it, its what i feel, im more focused on my career and a life of love..i dont even need to juggle it..
why do i get the feeling ill be pushed into the dirty puddle again, once its convinient for someone else...
why do i get the feeling, that someone else wont be strong enough to see beyond the fine line of having to grow up...
im not saying my learning of life has ended, no way...but i just dont want the same things i used to..
i want to be settled down, i want to be able to come home to someone who adores me, someone who misses me when were apart..
someone who respects me even when in anger, someone who will come see me when im not feeling well...
My ideas of life may be different, i wanna travel, but i dont travel alone, i dont want to travel alone, when i do travel, i would want it to be with the person who wants to see the world with me, and wishes nothing but that. I dont want to be put in 2nd pace in someones heart,nor should i..
i dont wnt expensive dinners,when i can do that myself
i dont want a car or things.. i buy my own
i want something that costs nothing..Honesty, i want love, big love and undeiniable adoration, i want to be number 1, i want to be committed to and be respected.
Thats all i need to get me thru life, i feel im content,...but at the same time i feel like i give and give and give ..and still waiting for the traffic light on the other side to turn green, yet..nothing...
Monday, January 3, 2011
Expansion
Sometimes i think my insecurities are a from a fear
i admit, im scared of being hurt, simply because i dont handle hurt very well
im afraid of being cheated, because its happened one too many times
im scared of being made a fool with an open heart
i tend to become afraid of the feeling regarding something i strongly dislike, for what i dislike brings me anger and hatred.
Im not afraid of lions, or tigers or bears, im afraid of this fear inside of me..
this fear i have has ruined me, its going to ruin those around me too if i dont stop it now..
i need to stop being so afraid of what i feel, and just let it go...
i need to build those walls back up and keep my ak47 on alert
im so used to being the cushion for everyone...i realise now i dont have have a cushion, i dont have anyone to hold my needles...i now realize i can only hold the needles myself, as much as i might get pricked, or stung i got to do it on my own...
i guess some people cnt handle others emotions as well as we would like them to...
harden up girl, its gnna start now...
i admit, im scared of being hurt, simply because i dont handle hurt very well
im afraid of being cheated, because its happened one too many times
im scared of being made a fool with an open heart
i tend to become afraid of the feeling regarding something i strongly dislike, for what i dislike brings me anger and hatred.
Im not afraid of lions, or tigers or bears, im afraid of this fear inside of me..
this fear i have has ruined me, its going to ruin those around me too if i dont stop it now..
i need to stop being so afraid of what i feel, and just let it go...
i need to build those walls back up and keep my ak47 on alert
im so used to being the cushion for everyone...i realise now i dont have have a cushion, i dont have anyone to hold my needles...i now realize i can only hold the needles myself, as much as i might get pricked, or stung i got to do it on my own...
i guess some people cnt handle others emotions as well as we would like them to...
harden up girl, its gnna start now...
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