Monday, July 18, 2011

second time around

The sickness i feel in my tummy, is no comparison to an ordinary stomach ache, its an overwhelming churn of pure eating-my-heart-out hunger.. the kind when your heart has been thrown out of its comfort zone and squished till its no longer able to function.
Then naturally the mind and the rest of you that is still trying to cope with the pain and the shock is only doing what it was used 2 doing..LOVING

When the nerves in you are no longer attached to the heart, since its been ripped out, the are trying to find somewhere to attach themselves, desperately searching for something to hold on to.

this is me..numb, wallowing in despair, holding back all the tears that are just screaming to get out of my system, and im trying..ever so hard to keep them all in, trying to tell myself to be strong and catch a grip of myself before i lose it. This is what happens when you love too much.
a lesson i know far too well, a situation i find myself being in very familiar, being left..being pulled away from.
what does one do, when the other isnt ready? isnt ready for the hardship, isnt ready to just be pure..almost 3 years of constant 1 way effort n just 2 even get a voice heard. Iv had my fair share of wrong-doings no mistake, but its definately a mistake i can correct...

im not aware of whats around me right now, i sit here still fighting my feelings as hes asleep in his bed. cold shouldered and making me look desperate...i am...im desperate to be loved back...noones been able to hold my heart and not break it...once it gets to 2 years...they are gone..they are not ready...im confused, im blaming myself, and the one i love the most, who i have unconditionally given a majority of myself to...has decided he cant do it anymore...

what can i say...there goes something i assumed was just as special, somethin worth fighting for..
maybe im not worth fighting for...maybe all of this was just a beautiful illusion i had in my mind...

but whatever it was...its now gone...for the 2nd time

what is..what isnt...

In a momentum of fact against word..which is taken more lightly
Would a robot lie when humans are the ones that control it..
would time lie against black and white?

it just doesnt make sense, even more when u dont know if you can make sense of any of it..
its just all over the place..what DOES make sense? What is the Truth?

and why cant people just be truthful...
when eventually...even if robots can lie... GOD DOESNT...

he has not lied 2 me..if anything, hes been more honest than anyone i know...and i cant even see him or hear him speak...but as much as i dont talk 2 him very much..he always has ways in showing me whats right..

RIGHT NOW ITS A MATTER OF WETHER I CONTINUE TO SPEAK FROM THE HEART OR KEEP IT ALL INSIDE...COZ NO MATTER WHAT I CHOOSE, ITS ALWAYS HARDER TO GET THROUGH ON EITHER DECISION. Choices are what we make to make ourselves better, for ourselves and only for ourselves.

DO U CHOOSE TO LIE? OR TELL THE TRUTH?