good times

I had one of those talks with him the other day about the trauma i went thru with how my mum died and everything, the hard walk of life i went thru to get to where i am today, what has made me who i am today...my whole walk of my life up till ow, what stil haunts me n still makes me cry..it was really really amazing..its actually really hard to talk about it..especially when i know it brings tears to my eyes instantly..iv had a hard time with my life years ago, mixing with the wrong people, influence and being used as a walking carpet, being taken advantage of..if anyone else had gone thru the things i have, im sure anyone else would of committed suicide,i did have thoughts, yes i did, i had moments where i just wanted to die, get away from this cruel nasty world and society... but i was lucky i had at least a bunch of good friends who kept me holding my head high above the water and never let me drown. Im here today with my head much higher and not afraid at all of admitting my mistakes, i admit i trusted people too easily and its a mistake i made over and over but iv learned it now, all the experience iv gone thru i have learned where i went wrong, and i dont care what bitches and peopel wanna say about me coz im much stronger than i was, these un-important people have nothing on me, i make who i am, not them..i CONTROL MY LIFE, NOT THEM!! i aint afraid of anyone and i know the people that know me well enuff understand what im saying...never let ANYONE BRING YOU DOWN!! i am completely content with what i have 2day...and ill never let it go!...

thank you to all those who have always picked me up when i fell down, and loved me without judgement and had faith in me...thank you..

shit!!

I NEED TO GET MY MATERIALS FOR MY DRESSES!! SHIT!! N I NEED TO BUY A LOT!! N I CAN ONLY GET AT KAMDAR I HATE KAMDAR!! I HATE THE DODGY AREA NEAR SOGO!! ITS CREEPY!!! STRESS LA GOING THERE!!! HERE WE GO AGAIN! ONE WHOLE BUCKET OF STRESS AGAIN!! AND I NEED A MASSAGE, AND I NEED ANOTHER HOLIDAY!! I NEED HELP!!!!!

daymn

lAST NITE WAS CRAZY, I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH MY Best friend mia,  khailis, and all, we danced we drank, we laughed, it was really about to end well, till some fcking chinese bitch tryna sell shots konon went chatting up khalis, she touche his face n i just went besurk, as i went to go after her khalis stopped me i was soooooooooooo pissed! why couldnt he just let me go?? why did he notice so fast!! i geram sangat2!! i felt like i was about to explode i was so angry!! im over it tho i guess, just hope it doesnt happen again...anyway, i have visual merchandising tomorrow n my fashion class wednesday grrrr more cutting n sewing!! its ok im almost done with college, keep being positive alexis....yerrrrrrrr.....iv been eating like a horse lately, pasta, cakes, salads, u name it, its bad for me! i need to diet! ...if i continue like tis im gonna grow old n wrinkly n saggy alone, coz noone would want me coz i would be sooo fat i wouldnt be able to walk dow the aisle, and my wedding rig would never fit....god...just the thought is scary, im starting yoga again  next weeek wohooooo, havent been for ages i miss it...anyway i gtg, facebook!! 

Here i am

Hi...im back , started class again, 4th semester..cant wait to finish! fuhh i got to make 5 dresses for both this sem n next sem, im planning to do a greek goddess theme, sexy, yet elegant but stylish..i like!! im kind of excited u know, almost finishing n stuff, its stressful tho..iv had a few parties lately some good ones, went to cherating with wanie, met a friend close to me there, dawest, who is wanies bf's best friend,,, we got drunk on the beach with vasparov vodka n pineapple juice, then dragged ourselves back to the chalet...with no comforter and just one pillow...but it was fun even tho it was just one nite, it didnt kill me...then been spendig time with khalis lately, which iv enjoyed, slowly tryna figure myself out o how to stop letting my multiple charecteristic disorder get in the way, i do have that problem, found out last week i have a lack of hormones due to stress, and a cyst in my uterus, so that wasnt such good news, had my period for 2 weeks coz of my hormone inbalance, passed out a few times coz i was bleeding so bad...cut my hand with a knife by accident tryna open cheese packet, bled non stop...i have class tomorrow so i gotta chalooo..till then ...