If your happy and you know it...

I used to tell myself :
Iv been the 'STATUE' for the longest time,its time for me to be the pidgeon or dove or bird of any kind..
not because i intentionally want to hurt those who hurt me...but scaring them is good enough.


Iv ACCEPTED now that somedays ill be the pidgeon and some days ill be the statue....

oh what life throws at me..

The lesson to be learned

LESSON 1: straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. Communicate my truth and needs effectively

LESSON 2:
create a full, rewarding life for my own fulfillment

LESSON 3:
 learn to ask without hesitation for what I want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line.

LESSON 4:
Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly,learn to take responsibility for my emotional experience and expression.

LESSON 5:
NO MORE TAKING BULLSHIT...

Here comes the heartbreak

Yep, its happened, its seems its over

Besides all thats happened this year, iv never been the person to hold on, i always let go the minute im hurt, before the minute someone hurt me, id walk away and save my pride and dignity. Now i feel iv lost it, to someone i deeply love, cherish and care about, someone i waited for to show his appreciation of me. Iv learned my strength in FORGIVENESS is at its peak, iv never forgiven so many mistakes in a year, and so easily as well, its what told me i love this person, i see a future with this person, a forever.

Im still trying to bash my brain watever it was that could be for it
the answers  got were
i need to learn my mistakes, im lost, i dont know how to love you
iv lost it...

Wow...
and there i was in nothing but a dream and trying to sort things out and see what could be done and it seemed only me trying...when i asked where had his part of 'working things out go' he said this is working things out, its for the best'
BEST OF WHO? wen iv been vomitting for 3 straight morning now, not knowing why the hell its happening, why does it seem im the only one whos trying here..
iv lost my appetite completely, iv lost my thoughts, myself, im very much depressed. Why or how does this person have such a hold on me.

i only wanted us to be together and sort things out, within this one year many sad things have happened which involved me being HURT. and even after all that i still beleived in im and that he would change, even if he himself didnt know why he did it...i tried my utter best to show him i love him no matter what or how, i made him a part of my life in which, i put him b4 me...i put him in a place i never thought id be able 2 let anyone EVER in my life have..
and to be honest, right now, i dont know what to feel...nor do i know what to think.
im tired of not giving up..because i try and try
i know what im feeling, and at this point in time ill only be better if i have him, because hes the one i always felt safe with, it was always about him and i made sure he knew that.
maybe i had somehow drifed off in my own world somewhat hoping he loved me as much as i do him.
i know maybe he loves me but its got me thinking so many ugly things, maybe he wanted other things...

But iv learned you cant have everything, and i do understand that sometimes you do need to step back and asses situations.. but this isnt stepping back...its over
and im not going to lie i miss him like hell! iv never missed anyone this much and with so much to say as well..
Are two years gone, just like that...i had ideas for the future, things i wanted and planned to do with him
but maybe im not all that he wants..and whats worse is, he said if he stays with me,he will only hurt me more...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSEDTO MEAN??? he even said hes not ready to change or be better...iv got so many emotions, im angry im sad and im dissapointed..WHY WOULDNT anyone want to be better? OFCOURSE you would always want to be better..Im now worried satan has more power over him than god does..iv been trying to encourage him to pray more and encourage the calmness that follows but he didnt want to, all my little tries-to-help seem to have gone un-noticed.
 if you love someone surely u'd do anything to make them feel loved right?

I hate that I cant do anything but try and stand on my own two feet and put my walls back up again..i let my walls down way too low and so im hurt like this.
I gave evrything every inch and metre of me and what i can in fact maybe i could(possibly) do less...
Im glad i got to see him finish college, cz it sucks to go through things like tht and have noone at ur side..(knowing how it physically felt)
As much as i wish he'd come back and love me all over again...maybe he wont because he wants other things and its killing me.

and so i must be off now, have to vomit again, dads quite worried and people have said iv lost 2 much weight ALREADY!
this will never happen again, iv learned such a valuble lesson..

You say

Everything i say is sad...

i say THERES A REASON FOR EVERYTHING
NOTHING HAPPENS FROM NOTHING...

As i hobble along

And soon enough, ill be a forgotten face, with a forgotten name

no bells will ring and we'll pass each other as if we never knew

what it was like to have butterflies in our tummies or what our first kiss was and how the sparks flew like fireflies on a still night, or how we used to smell or feel like

soon enough this heart will stay where it is and its pieces not picked up

you will be moving on with what you do

and i remain where i always was..

pretending i didn't feel as much pain at all...

what the mouth does not speak is not what the heart does not feel

And so i see thou art different

less input in communication of feelings

and me sinking slightly under the water

your slightly letting me drown

you seemed moved away from the position i once 

understood you were in

and i dont feel safe in my position i once thought was bullet-proof

i wish not to say anything for im walking down a street

i once knew i wasn't alone

the street was happy and covered in colourful skies

and trees made of cotton candy

the birds would sit on my shoulder and sing in my ear

the sun would smile at me and never let me cold

the clouds would lift me up every now and then to make sure id never fall

that was when i thought u were right by my side

now that i turn my head

you are still far far away, iv walked much further

and you are have taken a different road..

im hoping we will one day meet on

Quietly

I silently cry, because i dont know what you are
I silently cry because im hurt
i sit in my room, looking up at the stars
not knowing who i am, or where u are

I look in the mirro and see nothing but shame
why do i put up with rubbish and pain
when it breaks my heart
and drives me insane

I walk to the table and view the picture of us
the very first few when about me you would fuss
when u were gnna come see me and was all the excite
nowdays its as if you are more usy at night

I wish i had the old days back
where ud come and surprise
take you to places and see the sun rise

i wish you knew what you wanted
and love me the honest way
because i dont know wether its best
i go or stay....

Quietly im saddened, Quietly i quiver
something that breaks my heart and makes me shiver
stop the nonesense, stop the pain
i need my sunshine, no more rain...

This would be nice

- A man with:

-Honesty
-Loyalty
-Willingness
-Pride
-Dignity
-Self-repect
- Respect for me
-Romantic
- Sweet
- Looks after my needs
-Tells me when im missed
-Tells me when im thought about
-Someone who is not afraid to speak the truth even if it hurts me, because he loves me that much he doesnt want to hurt me ever again...


Where are you?

MISSING PERSON REPORT

Where are you?
You were here, then you left, then came back again..
i used to hear from you everyday
now where have you gone?

Tangled mangled

I sit here and take take take ur attitude
and you expect me to brush it off like it was nothing
like u havent done enough damage
u still pick at me like a scab on a grazed knee
dont you feel any remorse?
dont you feel you've hurt me enough
than to make me put up with ur mood swings cz of ur stress unrelated to me?

what about my stress huh?
what about my world that once revolved around YOU?
what about what i feel with no explanation?
what about appreciation that iv not done damage to you?
or make you suffer?
no, you dont even care, u can just brush me off and go off to ur duties as if i never existed?
and at this crucial time, its got nothin to do with juggling or balancing or what ever rubbish u feed me
u can take an hour or two and explain what u did, and what u gnna do about it
but no, i again..as usual..have to wait till things are convinient for YOU
u can never just settle something right there and then

Why am i not good enough?
have i not given you what you want or need?
have i not always been there?
it doesnt even take 2 phone calls for me to answer
it doesnt even take me days before making u feel cared about
im weak, im hurt, im being kicked when im down
and the funny thing is...
i love you too much to make u suffer likewise
i even tried to make this easy for you, when u x even deserve it!

look at me, and walk on my head again, step on me some more
u havent yet realized how i put myself out here for you
and here i am, the idiot, doing everything in my willpower
to make you understand something, you dont even seem willing to learn.

Time waits for noone!! you make the time!!

About you

I could dream of you and wake up with a tear in my eye

because that is how beautiful you are

that is how special you are to me

and that reminds me of how our atoms are entwined

and are able to create something amazing

even you couldnt imagine.

Whatever it is

You know where i am
You know what i feel
You know ur being silly
You know u dot need to be hurt in any way

coz thats not what i intend.

you explained ur truth
iv explained mine..

part 2

On the 1st page of our story
the future seemed so bright
then this thing you did, that was so evil
i dont know why im still surprised

even angels have, their wicked schemes
and you take that to new extremes
but you'll always be my hero
even though youve lost your mind

now the gravel
in our voices
glasses shattered from
the fight
and this tug of war
you'll always win
EVEN WHEN IM RIGHT
and its sick that all these
battles are what keeps me satisfied

so maybe im, a massacre
i try to run
but i dont want to ever leave
even when the walls are goin up
in smoke with all our memories

(PARTS OF LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE PRT 2)

No Coldness

This isnt strange
this isnt unfair
this isnt deranged
or too much to bare

This isnt a fault
nor does it cause me pain
This isnt a lesson
nor does it rain

Im not hurt
nor am i of scorn
Im not filled of hated
nor wish i wasnt born

This wont teach me anything
This will only make me weak
this wont even sting
or make my tears seep

BUT IT IS,I AM, AND IT WILL, AND IT HAS

BUT EVENTUALLY IM NOT, I WONT, I WILL AND I CAN..

For Afters

Its the air and the breeze that suddenly follows

Its the leaves that beautifully turn their colour in autumn

Its the ice cold water fresh from the mountains

Its the nice hot bath after a long day

Its the sugar rush after the cravings

Its the finale after a mere idea

Its the 1st cigarette during a break

Its the meeting after so long

Its the love after the tears

Its Me, wishing upon a star for you

Its ME still here Standing

Its Me trying to rid of my weakness

Its ME trying to smile

AND ITS YOU, THAT makes IT ALL WORTHWHILE

thank you

Lie to me

I just waana be numb
i dont wanna feel a thing
i dont want reality actually
reality stinks

How about i just pretend, that your cellphone
didnt even ring
and that i wasnt on the other side of the door
listening to everything

Please make me beleive
that theres nobody for you but ME
when i ask who were you talking to
tell me it was RAZALI

Baby i need, desperatly, desperatly
to beleive you
coz i wont be held
responsible
for what
i might do

TELL ME ANOTHER LIE!

Enrique Iglesias - Heartbeat ft. Nicole Scherzinger

Stopstealing my heart away...

No matter what it is you think..im not the kind of girl to blink, or give my heart away..
so stop stealing my heart away..unless you can look after it...

A forgotten smile

A HUG CAN ACTUALLY MAKE THINGS BETTER, MAKE US FEEL GOOD, CARED ABOUT, LOVED AND THOUGHT OF..

The worst of all feelings

Is being put down by the person you love, who has consistantly lied to you,
covered his tracks, lied again and again, now even about the smallest thing

and when you try to confront the issue, ur called nasty names

and you just sit on the phone listening to him call you these nasty names as if you are the one in wrong


I have never actually felt my heart break right after it had been broken
the lump in my throat just got bigger
and the pain is sharper than the 1st time it happened

The best part is, even when i was heart broken, i didnt call you any names whatsoever
even though you damn right deserved it

how much more ungrateful can one be

Quotes on LOVE

Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart.

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Love is like a friendship caught on fire: In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her...

Those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love; it is the faithless who know love's tragedies

It seems right now that all I've ever done in my life is making my way here to you

A faithful heart makes wishes come true

I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No...not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening. but love that...overthrows life. Unbiddable, ungovernable, like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture

I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Lead me, save me from my solitude. Say you want me with you, here beside you. Anywhere you go, let me go, too. Love me, that's all I ask of you.

Look. I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But, I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me

Here's one sad truth in life I've found

While journeying east and west 

The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best. 

An un-natural disaster

Water- quenches thirst of the thirsty, and houses the waterworld

Wood- shelters the poor, and nature

Earth- mediates everything in this world

Fire- does damage or creates warmth

Wind- can enlarge a fire, cause a tsunami, 

remove people from their comfort zones and blow earth into a corner
Im experiencing the damage of fire that the wind made worse, i dont have any wood to shelter me, and the only water i have is that from my eyes.

i look to the EARTH, and even though it has little to offer..
it offers me hope and i can handle that for now....

The EARTH too looks at me for hope to give it some WATER, plant a tree to create WOOD, then create a small FIRE to keep me warm from the cold WIND... and it will continue in that circle until

i have enough wood, to BUILD shelter for myself
a fire to keep me WARM
GATHER enough water to drink and stay clean
and use the wind to dry any tears when things get hard


NATURAL RESOURCES CAN BE LOOKED AT AS RELATIONSHIPS TOO, U only need the basics to grow, it doesnt matter how long it takes, when u are determined..you will and no natural disaster can stop you..

I,you,I and why

I write and i feel when i write, i write what i mean, and i write what i cannot say,

 i write with emotion, i write with my head, i write for tomorrow, i write for today

I write for you, every letter every word

wether or not my posts are obsurd

but its all my feelings

and i like it that way

if different is your mood

what do you want me to say?

I am now all and numb

and im floating away

a bright white cloud

on a hot summers day

I wish to be here

i wish to be held

i wish you here now

but i know you've rebelled

My heart is a-fluster

and my mind in soil

my feelings a cluster

and my mood in spoil

Bare with me today

bare with me tomorrow

my mind is disturbed and my heart in sorrow

i think of you much

you will never ever know

pray for me please

coz im about to blow

When while

While you were confused, i was hurting

While you ask me questions, i couldnt answer

When u looked at me for seconds, i looked at you for minutes

When u thought i never understood, i did

When you thought of me, i thought of you more

When you left, i was always here

Standing here on the corner

by myself..

Thankful

IM THANKFUL


IM THANKFUL I HAVE A HEART


IM THANKFUL IM ME


IM THANKFUL I KNOW WHAT I WANT


IM THANKFUL IM ABLE TO LOVE


IM THANKFUL IM STRONG


IM THANKFUL I CAN CARRY BURDENS


IM THANKFUL I CAN CARRY PAIN




DONT GIVE UP ON ME


COZ I NEVER GAVE UP ON YOU

Hey YOU

Im here




AND I UNDERSTAND, DONT YOU EVER THINK OTHERWISE




Me

Ferris wheel of thoughts

Im somewhat not myself

i cry at night

and i feel down

nothing is alright

and i wear a frown

I feel pushed 

and hidden away

im not needed

but my feet wont walk away

Im less admired

Im less seen

I worry more

and its harder to lean

I feel unwanted and

not as missed

you dont show as much desire

when u kiss

Im still here

trying to be strong

catch me faster

id hate to be dead gone

Your killing me! 

Conflicting view

Im not minus, ur not plus
Im still here so please dont fuss

I miss you more than you will ever know
I sit watching the clouds and count as they go

I think of you before i start my deams
and u are everywhere it apparently seems

I can run, yet i cant fight
You are the reason i cant sleep at night

Your stress and your thoughts
yes im the same too

Whatever your problem
Im here for YOU.

Just So you know, we can meet on ground
or even in the sky
I wont let you down
ill try not to let any chance go by

little things

Dont kiss me because you know you can

Kiss me because its all you have been thinking about

Dont hold me because your cold

Hold me because u feel afraid ill hurt myself if you dont

Dont hold my hand to prove your my partner

Hold my hand because you need me and dont want me to get lost

Dont shower me with roses because ur old fashioned

Shower me with them because u think im beautiful, even if i dont

The imagination

Its like being injected with venom
and eaten away slowly

Is like a diabetic cutting themselves
its feels so good

Its like jumping into a swimming pool
on the hottest day

Its like having a bath
after a long day at work

Its like a garden full of trees and flowers
its so beautiful

Its like the climax of a movie
something you wait for

Its like the orgasm
you crave for while making love

its like standing on the highest mountain
with a spectacular view

Its like having a bandage
put on a cut knee

These are the things
I feel about you


If only i knew whats on your mind....

Something like a pixar story

I sit on a shelf and watch those around me

Some of them i know, some of them i dont

I still sit on this shelf, with my head now tilted

they are getting all your attention

im not

i used to, i used to be ur favorite one

i used to be missed and you couldnt wait to see me

i used to be the reason you smile in the morning

i used to get ur 100% attention without trying

you used to want to keep me by urside every chance you get

you used to be willing to play with my hair and cuddle me

you used to make me beleive i was ur number 1

but now im the old rag doll,

 still on the shelf,

still waiting to be held

still waiting to be played with again

now collecting dust, and maybe soon cobwebbs

i still long to be what i was to you

but its wether you want to or not..

dont turn me into something you clean the floor with

or a toy for your cats

i come once in a lifetime

so please take care of me

late afternoon

Its just us and our thoughts

ur thoughts are not like my thoughts

but somehow they are related, and before i sleep

fall into my pillow

my pillow saves me, because it carries my heavy head everynight

with my heavy thought 

OF YOU 

Mind Me

Hey

Wherever your mind is

mine is with you

wherever you are

whatever you do

if ever there was a war, and we each were a boat

we would be Un-sinkable

thats how strong our hearts and minds should be

i long to be the person

who keeps you on the clouds and your feet on the ground

yes i do

* Sigh*

As i lay my head after a tiring day

i quietly thank thee for listening to me all the time when u have it 

i thank thee for making me feel so darn special without fail

i miss thee even at thy side

i thought of thee as i walked myself down the red aisle to the stage

i thought of thee watching me from afar

i think of thee now

i think of thee tomorrow

i think you think what i think

and among all my happiness and my sorrow

thy wish thou art pleased with me 

Finally

I  GRADUATED!!! woohooo!!! i was so nervous, and worried when or if i would have a clumsy moment..i even put on my flat shoes just in case lol, but i didnt trip! i had to walk in 1st as well cz my friend decided not to turn up..so i couldnt do much lol...as i sat in front row i realised i have finally achieved smthing, and it felt so darn good i started somethin i managed to finish..TOP OF MY WHOLE CLASS AS WELL! im so pleased with myself. Saw most of my juniors there, even the mentally challenged guy who STILL says Wassup2 yO Yo Yo when he saw me, he used to always do that in college, maybe cz im white..poor guy..i know he means well, n while walking to my table he waited for me to walk by and did it again, even managed to get Congratulations into his sentence, *freaked out slightly* ( much) i empathized n said thank you, tryna keep my face from showing i was terrified lol!! and as i made my way to my table all the people i wanted there ( except one or two who wasnt there, due to certain circumstances) were waiting for me and khalis gave me a beautiful bunch of flowers which made me feel very pleased and thought about, plus it was better than evryone elses lol...family and the loves of my life sat around the table with me, just as hungry as i was and patiently waited for our food) Brothers made me laugh tho, since they hate weekend mornings , probably from the hangovers of night b4...but they laughed it off, dad was there too, which almost brought me to tears cz i know somehow in that ego of his, hes proud of me..


Went to Bsc to dome, had a chit chat, then joined khalis's sister and his nephews for late lunch..had to carry the little one since he was scared of all the halloween stuff, but i love it...

Bought myself a very expensive yet so totally worth bottle of pomegranate vinagar, u can use it on salads, ice cream, even fruits or on its own, there were hundreds of flavours but i liked the one i bought, Masam-Manis and has a kick to it..yummmmyyyyy

Tonight will be partying it up in 789 WITH MY lil bro's, extended bros and my sisters who i love to death, khalis and a few others....im probably gnna get so smashed tonight..god help me!  but its for a good cause and plus i hardly get smashed at all..panadol on the standby..

CELEBRATION OF MY GRATUATION cant wait ......

question mark

What is wrong?
why are u behaving this way?
what have i said?
what have i done?

your behaviour is troubling
its all of a sudden
and im worried, ur leaving me in the dark

all i have right now is question marks

Sleeping like this

Iv learned how to laugh

iv learned how to try

iv learned that when i give up

somehow i have to try

iv learned how to spread my wings

but i dont know how to fly

i know what i feel 

i know what i dont

i know i cant conceal

i cant and i wont

i know that u hear

i know that you see

but u dissapear

why could this be

im sitting here and dont know what to do

when all i want, is to be there with you

i miss you so much, a river i could cry

i miss you so much i could die

i miss your warmth

i miss your smile

i miss being with you and feeling worthwhile

give me a text

let it rest my head

a call would be best

cz im going to bed

without ur voice

without ur words

i have no choice

and i know its obsurd

but it hurts, my heart

that i have to sleep alone and were apart....

Could it be

AM I REALLY THAT BAD IN UR EYES?
HAVE I NOT DONE ENOUGH?
WHAT IS IT I DO THATS NEVER ENOUGH
THAT IM TREATED THIS WAY?




I BLEED, I BLEED, I BLEED


CURSE THE ISSUES, CURSE THEM ALL




WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU?




BUSY..
ASLEEP..
NAPPING..
EATING..
DRIVING..   WHAT ELSE?

I come 1st

I should be your priceless find
i should be on a pedestal
not standing in line
so make that choice
u must decide
its nothing or ME for life

why is it so hard to prioritize me
why is it so hard to make me feel important
why is it so easy for you to complain
and not compliment

if im such a bad person in ur eyes
if im somethin u just cant handle
why let me break my back for you
why let me do the things i do
why let me love you unconditionally
why let me cry and not wipe my tears
why give me excuses u cant come to me and so i  go 2 u
why let me tell you how much u mean to me and not get the same treatment


i come 1st or i dont come at all....

appreciate me, or even pretend to....... i beg of you

2010 2010

You have not been yourself, uv been distant...im still caught up wondering about what else u have been dishonest about..but im trying not to.. so i deserve a bit of credit
Your not making time for me and everything just seems as tho its one sided..
I need your time too, even for an hour
you dont even come see me
i come see you, i make that part easy FOR YOU!

Fine ur in your finals, and you ask me to not see you on the weeknds, making me feel like a goat who just comes when asked, and leaves when asked.
your not appreciating me or my effort by doing so
in fact its pushing me far far away
i used to cry every night b4 i sleep, wondering what did i do to deserve the treatment where im not being understood
Now i just dont know what to do, do i turn cold and hope im missed..
Do i continue being the loving, no stopping, effortless me who comes to u on weekends even when u x need to ask me to, and yet still risk geting my head stepped on.
At night we hardly talk, and it gives me ideas those you still chatting to those girls, its driving me nuts, as much as i tell myself your not.

Iv poured my heart out to you,  and my feelings i write on here, whatever feelings i have...you x even take the time to read any of it.

I x even know what you expect of me..to understand..i do.. i do whatever i can to not get in ur way, but with a deal u at least bring me out for an hour! 1 hour of ur time.

These past few days you dont even know what has been on my mind or whats happening with my work, in fact the past two weeks you barely even noticed i makan pun xbetul..and that im still not well and having a sore throat and cough.

Dont get me wrong, im not dissing you, but you make excuses for everything, ur behaving such a way cz of ur finals, u not talkin to me cz u were sleeping because you were reading for your finals, u didnt hear my call because u were concentrating on your work For your finals.  You didnt reply because u went upstairs to rest after studying for ur finals..ur charging ur fone because of ur finals..

Do u forget me because of ur finals? is your finals now feeding you? dressing you? making sure your ok? is ur finals giving u panadol? is ur finals tryna make u feel better? is your finals trying to get you to relax? is your finals cleaning up after you? hanging up your clothes? hoovering ur room? taking care of you in any way at all????  I wonder...is it really because of your finals...u x even talk to me because OF YOUR FINALS.

YOUR FINALS ARE THE ONLY EXCUSE YOU HAVE FOR TREATING ME THIS WAY?
its not your finals..its you!

What do i do with me? im still here on the shelf, and collecting dust day by day.

Butterflies on my mind

The thought of you takes me higher than an aeroplane
i just want to lay in your arms as we speak in the tall grasses of the hills and the clouds
that set themselves upon the mountain tops. and the breeze that brushes past my face and the setting sun
that is so in love with the sky, it never wishes to leave...

Take me away, from the numb-ness of this world, where i wont have to think, take me far away to the forests where we can live amoung nature and animals andswim in the rivers. Catch fish with our bare hands and make beds in the trees..and when it rains ill shelter you from the cold, i would...
i would do anything for you, i smile when ur not with me because u make me smile just thinking of you..

I would bleed to see you smile, i would threaten anyone who took that away...
u dont need to do much to make someone like me stay.


I like to think u know...but you just dont.....but god knows...he knows...i know...

The smiling image

And with just the images you created in my head
the torture of the thought
the tense moment i linger waiting for
the clouds i float on
the water u let me walk on
and the song that forever fills my mind
a heartbeat
the two same mindsets
the two things we both want
im losing my breath
and i die with a smile on my face

thank you

You

Your smile makes my day
Your laugh makes my day
Your voice makes my day
Your warmth makes my day

Your eyes makes my day
The butterflies you still give me make my day
Your words make my day

Please say more, it helps

These eyes

These eyes read every word

These eyes are on you when you dont see them

These eyes see you for you

Theses eyes have never judged you

These eyes look for yours

These eyes wonder of you

These eyes are mine....

....and they miss seeing you every single day....

Yours Truely xxx

So Near Yet So Far

You would be sitting next to me, as we continue the chit chat among ourselves
You would whisper in my ear what you were feeling
You would look at me and i would not know what you are thinking 
You would brush my hair away from my face and pinch my nose
You would stare at me as if it was only the two of us in the universe


BUT


Your mind seems elsewhere
Your not telling me what you are feeing, your talking to others instead of me
You glance at me in seconds instead of minutes
Your hands are too far to reach for and your eyes and body are not where i want them


and you are just irresistable to thought, and i cant help myself 

i can only UNDERSTAND that you and me have the ability to read each-others thoughts

Apart

If theres anyone i need right now..its you


and i know you know it


If theres anyone im thinking about right now its you


If theres any way i could have you by my side


i would


If theres anyway you could just tell me how ur feeling this very second


i would listen




Apart from all this, you know how to make me feel strong and hopeful...even when im not


APART FROM ANYTHING, I NEVER KNEW I COULD MISS YOU THIS MUCH

Just the sight

Those lips of yours i long to kiss
Those eyes make me shy
The skin on you, and the warmth beneath it
When i see your face, i cant help but smile

Wrap your arms around me
Stroke my face with the back of ur hand
Hold me close to you
Smile for me even if im not there
Think of me even when i cant be by ur side


Even if this is nothing but a thought,
even if we are not on the same page
even if you were to do it when u please
at least let it be real and meaningful eachan every time
I would appreciate it right now...it would make me smile anyway

If only i felt it...

I wanna be that 1 in a million..the best you ever had

Breeze

Whenever the warm breeze passes me..i think of you

Whenever it rains.. i think of you

Whenever the sun is out.. i think of you

Whenever im at work..i think of you

Whenever im at home..i think of you

Whenever i dream..i wake up thinking about you

When i think of places to go, i want to go with you

Places to sit and talk forever, i want it to be with you

Ideas, thoughts and goals..i want to build them with you

Whenever i remember these things, i wonder if you think the same for me...

where are you

Do you think of me at all? like how the summmer remembers the wind, and like the wind catches the grass.. its a cycle..like how i always think of you..
How water thinks of the shore, the fish that live in the water and us humans who catch the fish,
How a fly gets caught in a web, the spider catches the fly and then something eats the spider..



YOU are much more beautiful to watch, from near, from far away...i could think a million ways to catch you..try and make you see exactly what i see..Even tho we are both very different in thought in face and background..the feeling we have is the same
and there for are equal...

Please dont

Im chasing your clouds, but im alone in the chase
Im tired of waiting by the phone and thinking of your face
Im tired of tryna talk and having to wait hours for a reply
your different for some reason, and i cant work out why...

Please dont make me turn cold and freeze over, you wont like it, and neither will i...

Clock & Space

Please dont tell me that you have no time, because thats rubbish

When you want to, you will make time to spare for me....

And i am still here waiting for that to happen..if it ever will.....

you dont seem to worry much at all, what i think...

Time is ticking and my patience is running out sitting here by myself..

Dont you wonder what im thinking or feeling?


JUST BECAUSE IM SILENT, DOES NOT MEAN IM NOT IN PAIN BY ALL THIS

The smiling stranger

In the car at a traffic light, an old mental man walks across the road past my car, he stops..looks at me..smiles and gives a thumbs up...i dont actually know what he meant by it, but i smiled back....


he then crosses the road and continuously looks back  at me as he walks..when he gets to the corner he stops and waits while staring at me as i drive past smiling towards me, as if no problems ever came his way..
under his menatl inabilaity..he definately made me feel grateful that at the moment. everything in my mind body and soul is ( somewhat) in proper working order....no matter how mental or whatever he is...he took the effort to smile and he got one in return so that i could cheer him up..out of all the people in the world, most are afraid to show a smile at mental people for fear of attack or any form of harm, hes not in order, but hes human and if he smiled at me 1st he bloody well deserves one back, he knew i wasnt going to step out of my car and talk to him, he just past by and continued his journey..he must be grateful for a lot of things too


god bless him....

Ampang 8:40am Flamingo traffic lights