Wednesday, October 15, 2008

tired to make it work

He says he understands me, and i used to beleive it coz it used to be good enough for me.
This can only be as good as we both make it..but it aint like that no more..
i used to think he was the only one in my life who i could give everything to, i never complained that he had no time for me, but slowly when he did...it turned boring, we never did anything together anymore, i started losing interest in the relationship and realised that i wasnt happy..i just gave up trying to find reasons to fight myself on what was making me down, was i bored? was i secretly looking for something that wasnt actually there..did i have high hopes over someone who wasnt actually what i thought.

When we had a fight it never mattered who was wrong, i would be the one calling and apologising, i always tried my best to make him happy, when slowly i realised i was so busy making others happy that, i myself was not happy at all. What happened to when the guy would take the girl out to a romantic dinner? surprise her just because he loved her? 

i need that fire, that spark, that one thing that reminds me he loves me...he says i love you all the time, but it just feels like words, even i dont feel honest when i say it now, because im falling out of it. i used to be the one wanting to make things work, and iv somehow distanced myself in the relationship, and now, hes tryna do everything to make me stay...

but i dont even know who to blame on this, it might just be me, wanting to see a bigger picture, i realised im not ready to be so seriouse, i need someone who can join me when i wanna do something, not stop me.....im hopeless and sooo confused at the moment.. god dammit!!