The sickness i feel in my tummy, is no comparison to an ordinary stomach ache, its an overwhelming churn of pure eating-my-heart-out hunger.. the kind when your heart has been thrown out of its comfort zone and squished till its no longer able to function.
Then naturally the mind and the rest of you that is still trying to cope with the pain and the shock is only doing what it was used 2 doing..LOVING
When the nerves in you are no longer attached to the heart, since its been ripped out, the are trying to find somewhere to attach themselves, desperately searching for something to hold on to.
this is me..numb, wallowing in despair, holding back all the tears that are just screaming to get out of my system, and im trying..ever so hard to keep them all in, trying to tell myself to be strong and catch a grip of myself before i lose it. This is what happens when you love too much.
a lesson i know far too well, a situation i find myself being in very familiar, being left..being pulled away from.
what does one do, when the other isnt ready? isnt ready for the hardship, isnt ready to just be pure..almost 3 years of constant 1 way effort n just 2 even get a voice heard. Iv had my fair share of wrong-doings no mistake, but its definately a mistake i can correct...
im not aware of whats around me right now, i sit here still fighting my feelings as hes asleep in his bed. cold shouldered and making me look desperate...i am...im desperate to be loved back...noones been able to hold my heart and not break it...once it gets to 2 years...they are gone..they are not ready...im confused, im blaming myself, and the one i love the most, who i have unconditionally given a majority of myself to...has decided he cant do it anymore...
what can i say...there goes something i assumed was just as special, somethin worth fighting for..
maybe im not worth fighting for...maybe all of this was just a beautiful illusion i had in my mind...
but whatever it was...its now gone...for the 2nd time
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