I cant express...

How does someone express hurt without being mad or show the least about being irritated? when u are supposed to suck everything in and not let a single thing out, i still find it hard to express hurt without being mad about it 1st, right down to the things that make me want to cry. She must feel some sort of satisfaction to know that when she calls him, that im there in the same room with him she must feel really proud of herself coz he wont say anything, yet if i do, ill be getting complaints from left , right and centre...she calls and the voices become mellow and slow when they talk, the same way he talks to me, he dont notice it, but i have been noticing it for a while now, i just havent said anything..i have been trying to contain and tell myself its not like that , but i heard it just now...he laughs when she calls him, he hardly laughs when i call...is that supposed to mean something....does she still make him more happy than i do...do i need to reach some sort of measurement? i will tell u something....I DO NOT MEASURE , LET ALONE MEASURE MYSELF AGAINST NOONE, LET ALONE SOME EX..Some person who has absolutely nothing on me, i know what i ahve..and i remain loyal and honest to him...but like i said i still have complications accepting things i dont think are right...im told it could just be me and i have nothing to worry about...wtf ...im not worried...im pissed u idiot, calls at the arse crack of morning at times where we both should be asleep in eachothers arms...but instead we are now arguing about her phone call....i hate it..i dont want to admit im hurt but i am..i hate admitting im hurt let alone trying to get the perfect words out of my mouth instead of cursing both of them and what effect its having on me...

God save my emotions, because my emotions effect those i love, teach me to have more patience and allow those closest to me to feel my pain and know where and why i feel it....thank u