I cant express...

How does someone express hurt without being mad or show the least about being irritated? when u are supposed to suck everything in and not let a single thing out, i still find it hard to express hurt without being mad about it 1st, right down to the things that make me want to cry. She must feel some sort of satisfaction to know that when she calls him, that im there in the same room with him she must feel really proud of herself coz he wont say anything, yet if i do, ill be getting complaints from left , right and centre...she calls and the voices become mellow and slow when they talk, the same way he talks to me, he dont notice it, but i have been noticing it for a while now, i just havent said anything..i have been trying to contain and tell myself its not like that , but i heard it just now...he laughs when she calls him, he hardly laughs when i call...is that supposed to mean something....does she still make him more happy than i do...do i need to reach some sort of measurement? i will tell u something....I DO NOT MEASURE , LET ALONE MEASURE MYSELF AGAINST NOONE, LET ALONE SOME EX..Some person who has absolutely nothing on me, i know what i ahve..and i remain loyal and honest to him...but like i said i still have complications accepting things i dont think are right...im told it could just be me and i have nothing to worry about...wtf ...im not worried...im pissed u idiot, calls at the arse crack of morning at times where we both should be asleep in eachothers arms...but instead we are now arguing about her phone call....i hate it..i dont want to admit im hurt but i am..i hate admitting im hurt let alone trying to get the perfect words out of my mouth instead of cursing both of them and what effect its having on me...

God save my emotions, because my emotions effect those i love, teach me to have more patience and allow those closest to me to feel my pain and know where and why i feel it....thank u

Her Again....and again!!

She called, yet again at 6.12am in the morning , yet again stupid hours shes calling him...and its grating on my patience...call me insecure call me watever u want, it is all what im not, i just want to know why...does she think im away ...or not around,...what are the reasons...friends call at proper hours, new zealand is only a few hours behind so what the fuck...i used to think it was acceptable even tho its an ex calling...WHAT IF IT WAS MY EX??? AT 6 IN THE MORNING? MOST PROBABLY A HUGE FIGHT IS WHAT IM GUESSING..BUT IM supposed to put up with this shit? why? coz they ended on good terms? i did too, so whats their excuse? and what for? to tell him she misses him? no other ppl to talk to? so tell me...what do i do about her coming back in december and wanting to meet his family n hang out? tell me, what am i supposed to do about that? accept it? and feel as if i have been pushed out of the way coz she has known him longer?? tell me, why else would an ex want to come back and see her ex's family?? honey theres no competition here...its not a battle of winning hearts...if u wanna see an ex u can always meet outside...why does she wanna meet at home n see everyone? i just want to know, i have asked many people and the same people give me 2 options and what to do...its either she wants to still build relations so that if anything was to happen in the future( she hopes) she got it easy

2nd she still doesnt want to feel that shes not connected to him so with the importance of family to him she wants to be closer...if not that then to tell me HIS GF that she too is good with his family....i feel its all bullshit n someone needs to be told...im not jealos or even insecure, i just want to know the motives, everyone has motives to do things...or her excuse could be because she hasnt seen them for so long...why would u want to see them in the 1st place u and him no longer are together...so why meet at home...why cant u meet outside?? pls tell me..im confused....