Actually

Actually ..Before this.. i used to enjoy missing you...it pinched but i liked it...i enjoyed how id fall asleep with a smile on my face knowing u miss me too, n love me n how its gonna feel when i do get 2 see you..how id be able to kiss you, hug u..look after you..treat you...
that was before...

Now i can only look over my shoulder..wishing... AND I FUCKING HATE IT NOW...

I may seem different in the ways i treat you..but its only because when i want to do so many things to u, or say so many things 2 u...i know im only going to hurt myself..so i keep it to myself, hoping u can hear it..with u knowing my heart( which in reality u cant hear) but i am holding back, im too damn scared to say what i feel, or what i want..because of the amount of time and effort it took to build back the walls i have now...ALMOST KILLED ME..

So just know...i havent lost it for you..i still got it...i just refuse to show it due to knowing myself too well...and u said it isnt what u want..so im gnna have 2 keep it this way..

god knows how much iv missed u...n the changes im encountering...its jz sad i cant hold ur hand through it....so good luck with ur new-found freedom....




i love u....always have...always will.....