i am at this point..and i dont understand

Iv been having fights lately with my brother, i dont understand why..i hardly see him, he is always out..if im at home he is not, and if im not at home he is still out..i really dont get it..

is it his hormones that have triggered him to be aggressively loud and foul-mouthed to the point that im prepared to punch his lights out?

Dont get me wrong i love my family dearly...but i have no idea where my brother got such a dirty mouth from? is it his friends..he criticises at every chance he gets, and makes sure he is loud in doing so..

I admit..im NOT perfect, i have made a real mess of my teenage years, letting people take advantage, letting them do it..without me even seeing the big picture, i had noone to tell me what i need to be careful of in my teenage years, i had noone i felt i could open up to..i trusted everyone when i was a teen...evry person i was friends with, new or old i trusted...n sadly a lot of them used me..and i let them..being a teen is not an easy stage..i gathered a horrible reputation, but noone every tried to ask why, or how...or what was going on with me, or what i was going through, what i was developing emotionally, or even-so..what i didnt realise i had developed...and yes it is EXTREMELY hard to look back and say, wow, those were good times..

some of the times were good, but i let a good thing go to waste, i let people ruin my image by trusting them too much..most of them....boys....but i cant say it has all been bad...

im 21 now..i feel i have become stronger and more aware..im engaged to someone i love more than anything, who has stuck by me through all sorts of situations..

i have realised, i may not be the best of a friend, but because of my past i have somehow stopped trusting people...some human beings can be so cruel..

some people just enjoy going out and ruining peoples image...why? they get nothing from it..

everyone makes mistakes..i have learned from mine..do i need to ask peoples forgiveness???

must i go to each and every person and seek forgiveness in case i had done any damage to our relationship?

I THINK..i am aware of who i can trust and who i cant...i dont like hanging around in big crowds, i dont like busy places full of gossip folk...i enjoy being with people whos company is completely worth it..but once i have established such a friendship like that i will be there for my friends whenever they need me, even if i cant make it on that time, i will try to work another time out..

To those who feel i may have hurt you in any way...i am sorry..very sorry..

its 2.13am...why am i feeling like this??